FINALLY… I was able to upgrade my old Nokia brokenig250. If you read this post, then you know I have a serious cell phone fetish. Some guys like supped up cars, others like fresh to death sneakers. Me on the other hand I have a weird thing for cellphones.
As you read before I had a drinking problem as in I’d drink and end up losing my cell phone. This was back in the day during $20 all you can drink happy hour at 1223. I went through three in two months and as punishment I went back to my crappy Nokia brokenig250.
I was due for an upgrade last summer but the phone I wanted was supposed to come out in Q307 finally this month it was available and I was very impressed by the price $50 with a mail in rebate. Sticking with what I like in terms of technology it had to be sexy, grown, and something not everyone and their mother had in DC.
Just a quick tip whatever cellphone you decide to buy. Depending on what you need it for, work, internet connection, google maps, whatever. Make sure it’s 3G. The future of most phones will be video conferencing (being able to see the person you’re talking to and vice versa) technology that’s already available and being used in Asia. So if you have a free upgrade or are in the market for a new phone remember 3G.
I was lucky enough to be invited to Artomatic this past Saturday. For those of you uncultured riff raff that don’t know what Artomatic is it’s a month long art gathering that involves shows with music, short films, art exhibits and a bunch of other shit. Check out the website (here).
I wish I could tell I went with a hot hipster chick who likes to get high and cut herself in her inner thigh while reciting Francois- Marie Arouet and also dabbled with bi-sexuality but I was not so lucky. Instead I went with these two “mo’s”. I quickly checked my handy dandy “Straight or Mo” pocket guide to determine if it was okay for three straight males to go see an art exhibit together. Luckily it was considered “straight” activity as long as it was done in the day time, no wine was involved, and we stopped to make perverted comments over all and any nude photography showing female boobs.
I must admit that I was very impressed by what i saw. The whole thing took place at First and M North East at the Capital Plaza. There were twelve floors and each floor had different types of exhibits, workshops (burlesque), short films, and even live Tattooing. I learned that to be a true artist one must have plenty of time on their hands. Anyway go take a girl to see the exhibits and here are some pics…..
Mommy the hairy man touched me (shut up kid, it’s our secret)
(Two bloggers, one motherboard). Actually before I took this picture these two had a passionate moment where their pinkies were barely touching as they discussed what the artist was trying to achieve on this piece.
This one has to do with a former DC Mayor, you figure it out. It was simply titled “The Peeps set me up”
Redbelt has a wonderful cast directed by David Mamet starring Nigerian acting sensation Chiwetel Ejiofor (Melinda and Melinda, Kinky Boots, Children of Men) as Mike Terry a California Jiu-Jitsu instructor. As a Gulf War veteran his small studio specializes in training cops and military personal and is ran old school with the simple warrior code of bring honor to the school and to oneself.
In the first five minutes Terry is instructing two students who are sparring (one who has both hands tied) on how to control the outcome of a fight when one seems handicapped. This turns out to be a foreshadowing for the rest of the movie. Through what can only be described as “Mamet Style” (you wouldn’t believe me if I tried), certain random events and double crosses force Terry to enter into a fixed MMA fight on the under card. Terry does not believe in fighting for “sport” but we watch as every door out of the situation is shut and people keep turning on him till his left tied with no other option but to fight. As any fighter knows it’s not about the last fight but the events out side of the ring and training that brings a person to that fight, the road he takes.
Mamet approaches this movie from the view point of a practitioner and fan of the sport. The point is how every sport has humble beginning and is rooted with some sort of honor and history but once you get big money, promoters with a gimmick, agents, Hollywood , and loan sharks involve.
I want to start out by saying that if you’re expecting an all out blood and guts action movie with people beating each other into a pulp DON’T GO SEE REDBELT. It would be a waste of your time. Though it is about Mixed Martial Arts (MMA)it’s a deeper concept than Ultimate Fighting and one must understand the viewpoints and angles being played.
Some see MMA as two grown men rolling around on the floor and don’t get where the “martial art” comes in. In that case two fat guys in diapers trying to bitch slap each other out of a circle, technically wouldn’t be considered a “martial art” but Sumo is just that. There are three view points an MMA matched can be watched from separately or all at once. I also feel that if you go into this movie closed minded or viewing it from only one of the following three you will miss some things.
The coliseum/ gladiator, people who watch just to see blood and violence. The athlete/ fighter those that understand the spirit of sport and competition, the physical preparation needed to fight and the mental chess match that goes on between two opponents. The martial artists, those that understand the history, the reason, and philosophy behind the martial art.
The Director David Mamet (Glengarry Glen Ross is all you need to know) comes at this movie from the last two viewpoints. Mamet has fallen in love and studied Ju jitsu for the past five years so the movie stays grounded in that understanding and reasoning.
Lastly Al Bundy (Ed O’Neill) makes a split second cameo one might wonder why he says three words and we don’t see him again for the rest of the movie. Anyone who follows MMA will know that Al Bundy has been studying Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu for 15 years under Rorion Gracie.
You can choose to view MMA as grown men rolling around in tights beating each other bloody senseless. Or you can choose to take a step back and see the history and philosophy behind the sport. At it’s core it’s simply two men trying to impose their will on one another. What might seem like “rolling around” is a complicated series of movement in which one person tries to position himself to make the other submit. There are locks, holds, and counter attacks or ways to get out of every position. Once you understand the “chess” being played you can see how a split second mental slip can cost you everything.
Here we have Jean Jacques Machado who appears in the movie as himself in his glory day doing what he does best. What’s even more interesting is that Jean was born with a disfigured left hand only having a thumb and a little finger. I think he is perfect to demonstrate the heart, courage, and pride that exists behind the sport of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. (he’s the one in the white T)
Man you thought it was bad in DC? In France they keep it extra gully extra hood. Check out these little niglets as they terrorize the streets in the new Justice video for “Stress”. Goddamn son
It’s no secret, my friends and family both know that I’m attracted to women who have a slight um how do I say this delicately so I don’t insult any woman who reads this that I might have dated or slept with? Well everyone that knows me knows that I’m attracted to women with a slight “slutty” or “trashy” look. I think it has something to do with my inability to perform sexually with women who are nice/ good girls and have average or above average psychological stability (ie, I can’t get it up for normal girls who haven’t suffered from some sort of clinical mental illness). Why fight it?
Again I need just a hint of sluttyness, too much makes it too obvious. Let’s call it “Tastefully slutty”. It has more to do with facial and physical look than clothes. With that being said there are certain clothes a girl can wear that for some reason or another universally screams slut. It’s like once you see said woman wearing these items it’s pretty much safe to assume she wants a skeet fest. After weeks of surveying my closest and most respected guy friends, sending out e mails, making telephone calls and asking male strangers at Marvin. I’ve come up with the top three items a woman can wear that lets the male world know she’s a little on the slutty side.
Now girls can wear the following items and think they’re just being “cute” but us guys skip the whole “cute” thing and go straight to easy slut or the wrong type of slut. So to start the list we begin with
The Jean Mini Skirt
Nothing brings most guys back to their first memory of sluthood than the Jean mini skirt. For some reason the jean mini skirt will always be in spring/ summer slut rotation till the end of time. It instantly takes you back to your college days and freshman girls on the quad. You can just picture them now pairing it with an Abercrombie and Fitch SIT (Sexual innuendo T-shirt) from the early 2000’s
Two extra slut points if she’s over 25, three if she’s over 30, one extra slut points if she’s wearing flip flops and drinking cheap beer. Five slut points for wearing “boots with the fur”
The white short shorts (WSS)
For some reason white pants, even tight ones can be cool and sexy on women. But the moment she changes into white short shorts, slut alarms go off in every males head within eyesight (women automatically think “bitch”). Especially if the girl has sexy long legs on the America’s Next Top Model tip. To be honest wearing WSS is probably one of the bravest things a woman can do. I mean out of the fear of diarrhea, that time of the month, or even both there is no way I could chance it. Bitch please. But I salute the women who do
WSS are one of those items girls have to be built to wear. You can’t just be skinny and assume you can pull it off. If you’re too skinny you might look like some crack skank…. wait what???
(check out the cock on this one) (Amy is happy to see me)
Thongs in plain view
(worlds flattest ass)
For some reason the thong lost it’s sex appeal to me. There’s something just a little too juvenile about them for my taste. I don’t get the functionality behind them in 2008 when major brands have underwear that eliminate “lines”. I’m glad though that I’ve been noticing them less frequently on the women I’m romantically linked to. But every now and then you’ll notice some girl wearing low ride jeans and dental floss sticking out the sides…. ewwwww. Ladies when in doubt just keep it classy with sexy lacy boy shorts (look at the header.. duh). Or just don’t wear anything at all, I’m sure guys wont complain.
Thats all for now ladies. keep it tastefully slutty for spring/summer 08
Look I’m not going to pretend to be a huge Iron Man fan or say I collected the comic books like some of the other comics books I actually collected. I’ll just say this, within the first five minutes Iron Man was the best Marvel adaptation ever made. Hands down. This movie was dick nasty from start to finish. I didn’t know Jon Favreau had directing skills like that and to say this is a comeback for Robert Downey Jr. is a huge understatement (He’s been here for years). Between Iron Man and Tropical Thunder dude’s got summer 08 on lock. Everyone in this movie was casted perfectly. Surprisingly girls will love it as a date movie. If the academy actually took comic book movies for serious Downey would be up for best actor so far for 08
Urrrsher had to come back with a serious remix and slow it down with Love in the club part 2. I mean the first one was for you to put your boner on her butt on the dance floor. Part 2 is for you to put your boner inside her while you’re in VIP. To make it sexy for the ladies he got Mrs. Carter/ Beyonce. But to keep it nice and gully for the fellas he got the greatest rapper alive Lil wayne to kill it. Slow dance to this
Before you’re man enough to pull that street game like this (look in the background of first pic)
You must be man enough to roll out like this (true play for real…….)(work it,own it, work it)
This short film IS safe for work. I wont ruin it for but for all the guys like me who think it’s funny to play practical on your girlfriend, I bet once you see this you’ll never EVER joke around again. I promise you,WOW
Last time I told you guys about suit game and how DC dudes should never be afraid to step it up when stepping it out on the weekend. I also mentioned how my step pops told me about the OG’s and how they kept something slick on their feet. The way they kept em slick is by regularly shining their own shoes. Your suit aint shit if your kicking it with some scuffed up kicks. It’s the only way to tell if a man is serious and is about that business or if he’s just faking bacon. Wearing a nice suit with messed up shoes is just wrong like a flat chested fat chick.
When I got me some decent kicks I wanted to make sure I knew how to take care of them. I always wanted to know how to shine my shoes correctly but honestly was a little intimidated with the brushes, and different cloths that you could buy. I thought it would be too complicated for me to do.I took them back to my step dad and asked him to show me how to shine. He was a Marine for some time and I guess people in the military have to shine shoes or something like that, whatever. Now these shoes were brand new fresh out the box. He explained that when leather shoes leave the plant they have a “shiny coat” over the leather that does no good if you want to keep em up yourself.
So I watched as he grabbed some rubbing alcohol and poured a little bit of it over the shoe. He then lit the alcohol on fire and I watched it go up in a blue flame (you only do this once when their brand, brand new). He showed me how the “real” leather was now showing tiny exposed pores. He then handed me a damp rag, showed me how to wrap it around my fingers, then rub in a circular motion in the shoe polish, then apply in a circular motion to your shoes one area at a time. He took one shoe I took the other.
We sat there rubbing in polish on my shoes as the Wire played on Demand in the background and we drank Jack and water. We talked about life, girls, the future. He was better at shoe shinning than I was so we switched shoes from time to time. We’d dip the cloth in water from time to time to keep it damn as we applied more coats of polishThis went on for THREE HOURS. It was one of the coolest bonding moments with my step father. When we were done I thought they looked better than when they had that fake shine coat on them. My step dad told me they wouldn’t even pass inspection.
Now i can’t go three weeks without shinning these shoes. I wear them to work and to the club. I pick a Sunday afternoon, Jens plays in the background and it feels like I’m doing something a little manly. It’s weird ritual and so repetitive but it’s such a stress reliever and almost a form of meditation like knitting or lifting weights. It’s been a month and half since I last did it so I had to bring em back from the dead tonight.
(krispy, stay true to the game) (0bviously no Barker Blacks… DUH)
Anyone who works in a corporate atmosphere knows about the cliché office jargon that co workers use to motivate themselves and each other. Go getter, taking one for the team, bringing it home, dropping the ball, a slam dunk etc etc etc.
The thing is that a new job is kind of like being in a new committed relationship with someone. You had to interview for your position. In the beginning its great and you’re on cloud nine. After a while it hits you that you’re “actually going to have to um work” day in and day out and sometimes on the weekends. After a while you start to despise that person/ your job for the life force it fucking sucks out of you on a constant basis.
Slowly you’ll start to think to yourself, “Shit, I don’t need all this work”. That’s when you start slacking and not putting forth the effort, coming in late and leaving early and sometimes not even coming at all, wait what? You’ll wake up and hate having to face that job or person because in your head they need you more than you need them.
Anyway back to the point of this post. My awesome manager has spread this new phrase that’s sweeping across our team.
“It is what it is”
Think about it for a second and say it to yourself. Imagine if you could explain everything that goes wrong at work with those five little words? Imagine using those same five little words to explain your life!
Work:
Q: Why doesn’t the P and L tie out?
A: It is what it is
Q: Why did we come in at 200K above the budget?
A: It is what it is
Q: Why didn’t you take that corporate survey on help desk compliance?
A: It is what it is
Life with women:
Q: Why didn’t you call me after we hooked up?
A: It is what it is
Q: I just told you I was pregnant, why are you buying a one way ticket to Brazil ?
A: It is what it is (in Portuguese)
Q: Honey you forgot our anniversary/ my birthday/ our double date with the Andersons tonight
A: It is what it is
It has become my main mission in life to spread this new catchphrase like the clap in a frat house. I’ve now started ending my emails with iiwii. Dear so and so, I need those final estimate for the Canadian contract by COB Tuesday. It is what it is bitch. Hopefully with enough time it will become a company logo. For example Sysco Systems, It is what it is. Vksempireofdirt, it is what it is. Just a thought
E-mail: arlingtoncrew@yahoo.com.
Right now I'm just your typical 26 year old who dates hot chicks but bangs mudturtles in the between time. I've been known to black out in seedy VIP booths next to coked up Persian women with fake breast implants. One day I'll look back on all this like a yearbook and remember you guys signed my crack.
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